Smile
by Empress Empoleon
Summary: That smile. Remus still remembered it; it was large and happy and toothy and perfect. It had set his heart beating painfully fast, and even if he didn't know it then, that was probably when his love for Sirius Black had begun.


_"The things you hope for the most are the things that destroy you in the end." - David Levithan._

* * *

Sirius had caught his eye from the moment Remus first saw him.

It was on his first day in Hogwarts, and he was downright terrified because he didn't know anyone and he had a deadly secret that he had to hide from everyone at all costs; that he was a werewolf.

So he picked an empty compartment and sat all by himself, staring out the window and thinking of how he would never, ever, ever belong with all these lovely people.

He stayed like that until a few other boys piled in - first, a round and pudgy one, next, a laughing brunette, and finally, a shaggy black haired boy grinning cheekily.

They sat around and asked who he was. Remus shyly introduced himself. He wondered if they thought he was weird.

They didn't even notice how scared he was. They just went on talking and laughing, and Remus listened in, trying not to smile at some parts.

(But he'd just end up frowning again, because he would never be a part of this, would he?)

He was proved wrong though, when James shook his hand, Peter made secret eye contact with him as if to say the other two were crazy, and Sirius smiled at him.

That smile. Remus still remembered it; it was large and happy and toothy and perfect. It had set his heart beating painfully fast, and even if he didn't know it then, that was probably when his love for Sirius Black had began.

* * *

"_Let's by friends, Lupin."_

"_Agreed, Black."_

* * *

The days went on and soon Remus found himself with three best friends. He wasn't really sure how or when they had gotten so close, but he wouldn't trade any of them for the world.

He may have not been one of them, but when he was with them, he sure _felt_ like he belonged.

While they were all equally close, Remus found himself gravitating towards Sirius. He was just so stupid and compassionate...and there was his smile, which Remus still wasn't sure why it made him feel the way he did.

(Remus was no expert on friendship, seeing as he had never had friends before, but he was pretty sure you weren't supposed to want to kiss your best friend every time he smiled.)

* * *

"_Remus, you coming?"_

"_Of course I am, Sirius!"_

* * *

Remus loved his friends, he really did. But, he knew he couldn't stay with them much longer.

Every full moon, he felt like he was betraying them. They never knew what he was, what he went through once a month...if they knew the monster he truly was, he was sure they wouldn't be friends with him anymore.

It wasn't fair to them, to be lied to like this.

(Remus was just too broken to be fixed.)

* * *

"_Remus, where are you going?"_

"_Oh...just down to the library."_

"_Isn't the full moon pretty tonight?"_

"_...Yes, absolutely beautiful."_

* * *

He knew. Remus knew he knew.

It was all over now.

"Remus...what the hell is this?" Sirius stared with disbelieving eyes at Remus, who was still in the middle of transformation.

Remus looked at him through hazy eyes, his mind still able to function partially. _Shit...he's found me out._

It was time to say goodbye. Good things couldn't last forever.

"Is this where you've been going every month?" Sirius took a step forward. "I've been noticing, and I was curious. Why didn't you say anything?" He reached out his hand.

"Stay back!" Remus cried out in alarm, swatting his hand away. Sirius stood in shock as Remus's hands suddenly grew claws. "I'm dangerous, get away!"

Sirius's eyes narrowed, and anger danced inside them. "No, you're not dangerous! You're Remus Lupin, my best friend!"

"Not anymore Sirius! Right now...right now, all I am is a monster." Remus's back grew more hunched, and his shirt ripped. Fur appeared on his face and arms. "Leave before I hurt you!"

"No!" Sirius yelled. "I won't leave you! I have to help you!"

The last tufts of fur grew on Remus's face, and the fully-turned werewolf turned towards Sirius, its yellow eyes glinting dangerously.

"Don't look at me like that!"

Remus was no longer in control...and all Sirius was now was a new piece of flesh.

With a roar, Remus jumped at Sirius, claws stretched out. Sirius yelped, jumping back. Remus quickly caught up, and jumped on top of him, pushing them to the ground.

"Remus, it's me, Sirius!" he cried in a desperate attempt to save the both of them. "Where are you? I know you're in there somewhere!"

The werewolf only howled as it opened its mouth.

Sirius's eyes widened as he saw the wolf coming down to bite him. "You wouldn't..."

A purple flash, and the world was black.

* * *

When Remus awoke, he was in the hospital bed. It was midnight, and Sirius, James, and Peter were all around him.

Remus sunk down into the covers, clenching his eyes shut. This was it. He was going to be shunned and ridiculed, just as he had been his whole life.

"Blimey Remus...why didn't you just say so?" James began. "If we had known..."

Peter nodded. "You should have told us."

"And what good would that have done?" Remus interjected. "You can't help me. There's no cure."

"That's not the point!" Sirius yelled. "Fine, you're a werewolf. I get that. But, you should have told us! We're your best friends. You're supposed to tell us everything."

Remus stared at him. Was he actually accepting him for who he was?

"Sirius is right," James added. "You should have told us. Aren't we your best friends?"

"You don't care that I'm a werewolf?" Remus asked. Tensely, he waited for an answer, hoping that maybe, just maybe, they wouldn't actually care.

Looking between each other, they burst out laughing.

"Of course not!"

"Are you daft?"

"Why would we care?"

"But I'm a werewolf! I'm a monster!"

"Not to us you're not," Sirius said. "It's not your fault you're a werewolf. And if anyone targets you for it, we'll be on your side."

James nodded, before adding, "I think I have a plan on helping you too..."

* * *

"_You don't need to help me."_

"_How many times do we have to tell you? You're our _best friend_!"_

* * *

Down by the Black Lake, shrouded in shadows and moonlight, the Marauders transformed. A wolf howled, a dog barked, a stag galloped, and a rat squeaked.

Remus wasn't thinking straight anymore, but the other three were, and they were all thinking how great it was to be able to stick by him in times like these...

Except Sirius, who wanted to do more.

* * *

"_You don't know how much you help."_

"_I help?"_

"_Of course, Sirius. Without you, I'd be nothing."_

* * *

The four of them graduated out of Hogwarts with too many pranks, stories, and secrets under their belts, but they were new adults, so why the hell should they care?

However, with You-Know-Who's coming, it wasn't fun and games anymore.

They fought and defied, but it was all no use, and after the Prophecy came, they were all terrified.

James and Lily set up in Godric's Hollow to protect themselves and Harry. Peter finally proved what a slimy rat he really was; he ratted everyone out to You-Know-Who, and it was only a matter of time before he came after them.

Remus still had trouble processing everything. Two of his best friends were dead, their baby somewhere he didn't know. One of his best friends was a rat. The last best friend - one he loved in a way best friends shouldn't - was locked up in Azkaban.

Remus was all alone, and he was breaking all over again.

(This time, there was no one to fix him.)

* * *

He lied low for many years, taking up odd jobs and becoming a disheveled old man. Eventually, when You-Know-Who rose again, and the Defense Against The Dark Arts position opened at Hogwarts, he decided that he couldn't stay away for too long.

He applied for the job.

Dumbledore accepted him.

It would be a tough year, he knew - he would _have to _accept Snape's help for Wolfsbane Potions, unless he wanted to be revealed, and he had to be very sneaky about his monthly times.

But, this was his home, wasn't it? And Harry was here.

Harry was here.

He'd have to tell him.

* * *

They were in the Shrieking Shack, his old transformation spot, when he finally saw Sirius again.

After so many years, he had become the same as Remus - old, tired, and disheveled. But he still had the same light in his eyes, same bright smile - and Remus's heart still beat faster after all this time.

"Remus!" Sirius hugged him, and Remus relished in the warmth he had been deprived in for so long.

He held on for a moment more than necessary.

* * *

"_I thought we'd never see each other again."_

"_Remember - I'll always come back for you, Remus."_

* * *

Remus decided it was time now. He wouldn't - _couldn't_ - hide his feelings anymore.

He hated to think it, but there was a war going on. What if Sirius was captured again? Or, even worse, killed? (There was also the possibility that he would die before telling Sirius...and he didn't want to die without him knowing.)

Remus wanted to make sure Sirius knew before he left again. (Maybe he could stop him from leaving?)

"Sirius, there's something I have to tell you." Remus gazed at him, and Sirius stared back. They were Gryffindors for a reason though; Remus was just going to cut to the chase. "I love you."

It was a moment of awkward silence before Sirius took a giant step forward and kissed him. It was soft and passionate and everything in between, and it took all Remus had to not just fall into his arms.

(He could die happy now.)

* * *

"_Why didn't you tell me sooner?"_

"_I was afraid-"_

"_I thought we already passed that stage. I love you, Remus Lupin!"_

"_I love you too, Sirius Black!"_

* * *

Not all good things can last forever though, and Remus soon found himself with a dead Sirius and a sobbing Harry.

He didn't even have a body. But, at least he knew that Sirius had floated away with a smile, like the insensitive git he was.

Remus was already broken, but that was the day he shattered.

* * *

"_Remember - you promised that you'd always come back to me."_

"_And I will. I always will."_

"_Always?"_

"_Always."_

* * *

A/N: Wolfstar! It's my first try at this pairing, so I hope it's not awful.

_Done for:_

_Harry Potter Fanfiction Tournaments Competition - Round 1_

_Big Brother Competition - Round 3_

_Create-A-Potion Challenge - Third Ingredient of Draught of the Living Dead_

_Legendary Creatures Challenge - Kobalos_

_Pairing Diversity Boot Camp: Prompt #14 - Love hurts._


End file.
